MOTHERHOOD

(photo cred: Ken Heyman)

As we come to an end of May, affectionately known to some as “the Mothers month”, we reflect on the mothers in our own homes and in society to get a sense of what the feel is the greatest joy of being a mother. You see, because I lost my mother at a relatively young age, my heart is always full, not only when I hear people talk about theirs moms, but what they also have to say about their children.

I spend a lot of time on social networks, and the Sunday of Mother’s day was no different. The posts where about how great moms were, cute pictures, even cuter presents and the occasional shout out to all those who have lost their mothers.

I then came across two posts that were slightly different, the first was by Jada Pinkett Smith, the second was by my aunt, Carrie Pratt.

Ms Pinkett Smith took to Facebook to talk about what it means to her to be a mom in these every changing times. “We are all born free. It’s our birth right, yet we continuously choose to construct belief systems with glass ceilings. The art form of mothering is no exception. Whether we are the stay-at-home mom, the single mom, the “do it by the book” mom, the working mom or, like me, the “unconventional mom”; no matter what category we fall into, we have all, at some point, been made wrong on how we have chosen to mother our children. No matter our approach, the art of mothering is inextricably connected to shame and guilt.”

When I read this it struck a chord with me, I’m not a mother (it might happen…..or not….anyway), and I understood what Jada was communicating. It seems to be true, that as women, we are always made to fit a particular mould, even when single and without children. It seems mothering has a lot to do with it being acceptable to the next person. Whether women chose to breast feed or not, or whether they choose to raise their kids like their mothers raised them or be the modern mom, there will always someone shaking their head to you.

(photo cred: Ken Heyman)

Jada goes on to state what I also believe to be true, there is no prescribed way to be a mother. Motherhood, like womanhood is not prescribed.

“But here’s a little secret…none of us should feel guilt or shame because none of us are wrong. There is no one way, one system or approach to raising and loving our children. The art form of mothering is innate and a communication from her soul to her child’s spirit which is deeply specific and never a carbon copy of another’s spirit, not even herself. In fact, the mothers to which they are born to, are equally as unique. So how could, or better yet, WHY should ones approach to mothering look like any other?”

(photo cred: Ken Heyman)

It’s never a carbon copy.

 My aunt Carrie took the special day to thank her children, for all the things she has gained because of them. “You have taught me how to privilege compassion over fear, what it means to be the solid ground for each other and how to open my heart wider than I ever thought possible. I am a better version of myself for your presence in my life and thank you- again and again- for choosing me to journey through you”

To end off, Carrie says that mothering at its best is about nurturing. “Think about what possibility needs to be nurtured- in yourself, in your family, in the country, in the world……and to commit to the loving task of doing it”

(photo cred: Ken Heyman)

Jada signed off her Facebook post by saying, “Today, to all the mommies...I just want to say...you're right! We are doing one of the most important jobs the universe has to offer and we are doing it the way we know best for today. And yes...I'm the proud bonus mother of a 22 year old who is journeying to define his independence through a world that can be harsh to a giving soul at times. I’m also the proud mother of a 16 year old boy who is as comfortable in a dress as he is with a drill in his hand, and that of a 14 year old girl who spends most of her days lost in trees…with her crystals…pondering physics. Yup...that's my other worldly trio and you know what...I'm damn proud! I believe no matter your “mommy-get-down” you should be proud too. People will always talk and have something to say no matter how perfect or imperfect our mothering may be. So…On this Mother’s Day, my hope for you is...that you simply live your truth, love yourself and your kids hard, and if you're smiling and they're laughing...job...well...done:) Happy Mother’s Day, you beautiful women:)” 

I am grateful to know, personally and publicly, women who experience their journey of motherhood differently and are proud to proclaim it with feeling shame and guilt because they are being the best they can be and not according to someone else’s standards.

We at The Legacy of True Beauty, salute all you mothers out there.

- Written by Malebo Moloto

- #TLOTB Feature Writer